When Suspicions Rule

Margo Howard
Thu, 02 Jan 2014 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Dear Margo I am trying to find out whether my marriage is something I can stay in and still remain sane.

My husband is six years younger than I am. He is by many accounts "perfect" in other people's eyes. He is loving, attentive and a strong Christian, and he helps with everything and anything around the house, makes me rest because I am pregnant, and does not even let me consider carrying groceries or anything else. He feels it is his job to take care of me.

However ... he is by far the most jealous man I have ever known. He wants me to call him when I get to work — from my work phone, so caller-ID shows I am there — and again when I leave so that he can time my ride home. I cannot run to the store by myself, because he is afraid I'll stop off somewhere and "meet up with someone."
Updated: Fri Jan 03, 2014

Dear Margo I am trying to find out whether my marriage is something I can stay in and still remain sane.

My husband is six years younger than I am. He is by many accounts "perfect" in other people's eyes. He is loving, attentive and a strong Christian, and he helps with everything and anything around the house, makes me rest because I am pregnant, and does not even let me consider carrying groceries or anything else. He feels it is his job to take care of me.

However ... he is by far the most jealous man I have ever known. He wants me to call him when I get to work — from my work phone, so caller-ID shows I am there — and again when I leave so that he can time my ride home. I cannot run to the store by myself, because he is afraid I'll stop off somewhere and "meet up with someone."

He checks my cellphone constantly, monitors my email and accuses me quite often of sneaky meetings with my ex-husband, with whom I speak because we have a young daughter.

I have never cheated, but he is so controlling and all due to some calls between another man and me that he saw on my phone bills from when he and I were newly dating. He is convinced I am, or would be, with all kinds of men just for the "thrill."

This has all become completely exhausting. We obviously fight a lot because of this. I am pregnant, so I am trying hard to make this work, but everything inside of me says this will not change, this is not normal, and no one can continue like this. Your thoughts? — Drained

Dear Drain: My thoughts are that he either sees a couples therapist with you, or you see a lawyer on your own.

There is something wrong with this man, and you are correct that you cannot live like this. It sounds as though he is somewhere between being a paranoiac and a control freak.

Unfortunately, the stress of being married to a warden who mistrusts you outweighs a loving, attentive, good Christian man who won't let you carry groceries. The problem is his to fix. — Margo, abnormally

LOVELORN AT 11

Dear Margo: I am in sixth grade, and this boy and I are going out. We talk to each other a lot, but in the past few days (let's say three or four), he hasn't said a word to me. Not at school, by email or even a phone call.

My girlfriend says he is always busy with sports. She also says that my boyfriend always says he loves me too much to lose me. All these things sound very nice, but he just won't talk to me at all.

I am trying really hard to keep my cool and not snoop around too much. What should I do? Please help. You're all I've got now. — Need Advice Now

Dear Need: Your grade tells me you are about 11. This is way too young to be "going out" and talking about "love." Clearly, this boy likes you, but it's possible that his buddies are teasing him about his love life. And do not underestimate the lure of sports!

Just play it cool. I don't think the girls who chase boys do very well. Busy yourself up with schoolwork and your girlfriends. You might want to give sports a try yourself. I feel certain this boy you like will be back ... certainly by seventh grade. — Margo, patiently